Leaving the 99 on Route 23

The Lord has been my shepherd, but lately I've felt harassed and helpless,
Wanting something I can't even put into words.
I'm feeling too anxious to lie down in the green,
I've wandered far from still waters,
And the restoration of my soul seems doubtful at best.

The shadow of death doesn't linger;
Instead it's the shadow of a slow march to oblivion,
Dying inside little by little without the hope of dying all at once.
I'm not afraid of evil;
I'm afraid of myself and afraid I'll never feel what I once felt again.
Are you with me?
I want to believe you are, but I feel so alone.
I don't need a rod and a staff;
I need someone to wrap their arms around me and tell me everything is gonna be all right.
I need it to not be a lie.

I'm sitting at the table looking for my enemies, but all I see is me.
To my right I see my own crippling sense of self-doubt.
To my left I see a funhouse mirror version of my body that looks like a beached whale.
Before me I see my anger, wearing a face of self-loathing under a mask of serenity.
The oil flows over me and the weight of it drags me down.
It runs into my mouth, filling my lungs so I can't breathe.
I hide behind the sheen, hoping they'll see you and not me.
I look into my cup, and even on my best days it never looks more than half-full;
Does it count as an overflow if there's a hole in the bottom?

I look behind me, but I don't see goodness or mercy.
I see the same enemies from the table, joined by my depression and anxiety,
Followed close behind by shame and regret.
I run to your house crying out for sanctuary.
I wonder if I'll ever find my way back to the 99.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Clobbered

God said humans were created in his image, male and female. Does that image fade away when we love the "wrong" people? You call marriage a sacred institution,  But you support politicians with multiple divorces or proven infidelity.  You look into the face of your fellow human beings Refusing to see God reflected there,  Robbing your neighbors of their dignity for the sake of your piety.  But there are no whitewashed tombs in sight on the moral high ground.  God destroyed the city of Sodom.  The moral culpability of the Sodomites Has been so inexorably tied to same sex intercourse The terms are literally synonymous.  Ironically, the real sin of Sodom was a lack of hospitality,  Threatening violence and shame against their fellow human beings: The very thing you do to the LGBTQ+ community In the name of a God whose heart breaks over our hate masquerading as mercy.  You call them abominations,  Desperate to cast the first stone at your nei...
Read more

Billionaires

Fists clenched tight around their hoards While the masses wait for the excess to trickle down. Instead they build bigger storehouses, Lining the pockets of the ones who prop them up By robbing Peter and Paul to pay Herod. Some are still convinced they deserve it all While the chasm between us grows wider and wider. They offer up poor Lazarus as a sacrifice For daring to look too longingly at the rich man's table. So many woes and cares; God save the billionaires! Holding the weight of the hopes and dreams Of those foolish enough to believe someday they might be like them, Refusing to believe they have a right to say What other people ought to do with their money While the rich continue to shape policies That dole out an abundance of subsidies And tax breaks to line their own pockets, Slashing the pittance reserved For the widow, the orphan, and the foreigner in our midst. "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"
Read more

Hypocrite

I talk to people all day long About finding meaning in the midst of chaos.  How to untangle the twists and turns of circumstance And find some hope in the meaning There beneath the surface.  But I've forgotten how to hope for myself.  I've lost the breadcrumbs leading the way back,  Or else I've given them all away to others.  It all feels so hollow and empty.  I can't even muster any outrage.  I just rattle around this fucking husk of an existence, Wondering if maybe someday Things will turn out the way you said they would.  When are you going to punish the wicked? Because all I see is those fuckers thriving.  When are you going to rescue the needy? Kids in cages, starving behind blockades, Immigrants harassed by hateful howler monkeys In bright red hats.  But the worst of all is how hard it is  To keep caring when my brain Just wants to coast on autopilot.  I don't have the energy to keep being outraged.  I don't have th...
Read more