The [Doubter Who Is Trying His Best]'s Creed

I believe in God the Father Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, at least that's what I tell other people and most of the time it's true. And in Jesus Christ, his only son our Lord, who continues to let some of the worst hypocrites on the planet drag his name through the mud and pretend they're his people. Who was conceived of the holy spirit in a way I couldn't begin to understand, born of the virgin Mary so that people could get needlessly hung up on our "sinful" nature and play eschatological shell games about human nature, who suffered under Pontius Pilate for the sake of a people who weren't grateful and didn't understand, was crucified not by the Jews or the Romans or any singular group of people who some people want to demonize so they can minimize their own blame for the shittiness that exists inside all of us, died a horrendously violent and painful death covered in his own shit and blood and the cowardice and weakness of all of humanity's selfish and hedonistic history, and was buried in the tomb of a man who had more integrity than a multitude of religious officials and even the people who'd followed Jesus for years. He descended into hell because he's willing to wade through all of the agony and hate that exists for the sake of our stupid species, he was raised from the dead in a way that stirs hope in even my cold, dead heart, he ascended into heaven to a place beyond all the pain and suffering of now where I hope the best people I've met who are gone might welcome me some day, and sits at the right hand of God the Father in a way that I struggle to wrap my logical brain around because Trinity is mind boggling, from whence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead at which point I hope to be invisible or at least shown as much mercy as can be mustered. 

I believe in the Holy Spirit though I would be hard pressed to say when the last time I experienced its movement was, the holy catholic church as a wonderful concept that feels too beautiful to exist this side of eternity, the communion of saints certainly with each other but somewhat less confidently with me, the forgiveness of sins by God even when I continue to wallow in them and punish myself for not being perfect even though that's a stupid way to live your life, the resurrection of the body though hopefully less fat and balding next time around, and the life everlasting as long as my depression and anxiety have fucked right off to hell. Amen.