Semicolon

There are days where I don't want to get out of bed,
Where all I want to do is cry and eat;

I don't remember entering through The Gates of Hell

But I abandoned hope anyway;

My story felt like a success because my depression was under control; 

My story felt like a victory because I'd found love and joy;

My story felt like a happily ever after

Because I could look in the mirror and like who I saw;

But then the boat started to sink;

I tried to correct course but we were dashed upon the rocks; 

I tried to swim for safety but I couldn't see dry land anywhere;

By the time the rain stopped, I had no idea where I was;

I wasn't in immediate danger anymore, but I'd been afraid and struggling for so long

That the weight of anything felt insurmountable;

I didn't feel strong enough to survive;

I was stuck in depression again.

But I don't have to stay stuck. 

I can keep fighting and find my way forward. 

I can do the hard work of self-care and self-improvement. 

I can tell my demons to shut the fuck up and sit down,

Because they're not in charge anymore. 

I will hold myself to a higher standard.

I will give myself grace when I fail. 

I will challenge the voice inside myself that says all of the worst things are true.

I will listen to the voice inside myself that says I am worthy of love and consideration.

I will work hard, and I will love my family,

And that will happen by showing love and kindness to someone they love.

I will believe in the power of change to change me for the better.

I will ignore the voice of hunger: 

The need to consume will not consume me. 

I will be the me I deserve to be, and I will believe I deserve to be him. 

I will love myself fiercely. 

I will be kind and gracious to me. 

I will move forward and write another chapter;

Hope is coming.