Imposter Syndrome


Some days I wake up in the morning
And wonder what the fuck I'm doing with my life.
I'm an introvert who struggles to maintain eye contact
Full of doubts about myself and God
Whose job is to help other people
By bringing God's light and hope with me
Into the dark places they find themselves,
Whether wrestling with illness
Or helping and loving those who do.
Is it still imposter syndrome
If you're just doing a really good job faking it?

Some days are better.
Most days feel like they're worse.
I don't even have the strength
To ask you for help.
If I did, I'm not sure I even know
The words to say anymore.
What gives me the audacity to think
I can help other people
When I feel so utterly helpless?

What do you do
When it's all in your head
But the illusion is so convincing
That reality is what feels fake?
How do you find relief
When you feel like your body
Is just one big open wound
From head to toe?
Sepsis hasn't set in yet,
But I can feel myself getting sicker.

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