Hunger

Some days I wish I could just quit food.
Completely avoid it like you can
Drugs or cigarettes or alcohol.
Cut off my unhealthy relationship
With all the empty calories that go into my mouth.
Avoid the pain of trying to unlearn and relearn.

Making a parasitic relationship symbiotic
Is hard work, made harder
By the necessary methadone of nutrition.
It would be so much easier to be able
To say "no" rather than "instead,"
Buying medicine from the same dealers who sold me the poison.

Then I think about how all this applies to you, too, God.
People who call themselves Christian have given me a lot of empty calories
When what I needed was nourishment.
I foolishly convinced myself
That all I needed to do was cut out the junk
That's gotten in the way of finding you,

And instead of feeling better I'm starving.
I've cut out the vain and empty calories;
It’s time to replace them with things that will satisfy.
You need discipline to be a disciple.
But I find myself stuck in a massive catch-22:
I need energy to make changes,
But I won’t have the energy I need to change until I make changes.
How do you keep yourself from drowning
When you’re already in the water and have forgotten how to swim?